Confessions of a "hobbyist"

Stories from the fringes of social intercourse.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005


Confessions of a "Hobbyist", Part 2

I don't know much about the sex business in America. I only know about some providers and some hobbyists; and of these -- providers -- I only know about a very small subset, literally the tip of the iceberg of the sex business in America.

To be quite precise about whom I am writing, these stories are about women who sell themselves -- they don't work for anybody and there are no agencies or pimps to be found here. They sell their time and sexual favors for a considerable amount of money -- usually between $300 and $500 per hour, although there are usually substantial discounts to be gotten with quantity purchases, as in any business. It is a very lucrative business for serious minded providers. And, serious minded providers all seemed to have one thing in common: they all were very clear about their boundaries. This is their business, not their life. "Friendship with a client" was a line they generally did not cross; and if they did, as I found out several times, they quickly reestablished working boundaries. Not all of the women were equally serious about their business; in other words, they did not always evaluate every decision in terms of maximizing their income. These women were more likely to share more of themselves.

All of the women described here earned substantially more money providing sex then they would doing anything else. That is not to say that these women are uneducated or unskilled. Many are college graduates, a few held advanced degrees. There is a fairly large segment of the provider business populated by young, 18 – 21, college students who are providing in order to pay the tuition, or so they say. I never had sex with any of them. There are many reasons; and I will try to explain later.

One provider, Lily, by her own account, was a medical doctor in a former life in China and is now studying law in this country. This was after getting her college degree at a respectable US institution of higher learning. Generally speaking, I found the providers I met to be more intelligent and better educated then any other workgroup with comparable earning power. In other words, there is good reason to think of escorting as a profession; not euphuism.

When it comes to career choice or motivation, there are as many reasons and as many stories as there are providers. Nonetheless, money is a primary motivator for every one of these women. Some had short-term monetary objectives, some saw it as their chosen profession. None, as far as I know, however, chose it because this was their first career choice. The actress, Sasha, the bookkeeper, Suzy, or the realtor, Alexis, all had monetary needs that their original career choice could not or did not meet. Sometimes, life's problems -- debt, illness, job failure, mistakes, etc. -- created the monetary need, for which providing provided the solution. However, some of these women genuinely liked what they did. Those who did, did it well. But, in order to like it, they needed to like sex and like men. (Some of these women, clearly liked sex with women more then with men -- I think netMichelle and lilyJune were two -- but they both loved men, too; otherwise, they would not have been as good as they were at what they did. Believe me: they were good.)

Nearly every provider I met dreamed of escaping this line of business, although their desires were not always what you might think. Some clearly did not have the stomach for the trade and they usually "retired" rather quickly. Those who were passive in demeanor or passive as to accepting "dates" -- the top providers have a lot of discretion as to whom they would or would not see -- or passive as to the services provided, often found themselves at the mercy of more aggressive men, who treated them more like objects then people. Such feelings wore down these providers, and they dreamed of leaving. Many did. Age and length of sevice often loomed like inescapable barriers to many women, as did a desire for children or a more stable and conventional life.

There is an exceptions to all truisms about these providers. I know one provider, Anneke, approaching her 60th year, who is among the most sexually lively and interesting in the business. Yet, she, too, is looking for ways to "retire" from providing. Like anyone else in a service industry, she is very aware that time, her time, limits her revenue, so she seeks to establish her business on a more lucrative model, which in this industry means selling pictures and videos of yourself and others, rather then selling yourself.

"netMichelle", of course, is just an alias, an alias used by a provider to shield and define her identity. Only once did I ever encounter a provider who used her own name. Many gave considerable thought to their "stage name," and some liked their stage names better than their given names. “Suzanne” and “Chloe Summers” are two who come to mind.

Nonetheless, in the course of my adventures, providers, including Suzanne and Chloe, often told me their given name. After being invited closer to them in this way, I only addressed them by that name, except when making cash payments; in those cases I always put their stage name on the envelope. Needless to say, in this journal only stage names will be used. It is after all a work of fiction!

If you would like to read netMichelle's own words, as she chooses to publish them, follow this link to her blog: In her case, as in all other adventures I describe, I will try to provide Internet links, so that you can form a fuller picture, if you want.

I should also acknowledge that I owe netMichelle much: besides many memorable personal experiences, she is responsible for my first encounter with a blog. Before I responded to her invitation to view her blog, I was a virgin in this respect as well. In fact, so much of what I will confess is the experience of a virgin in the wide world of sex in America.


My Confession as a Sexual Hobbyist, Part 1

Left to my own language choice, I wouldn't call this behavior a "hobby." To my sensibilities, "hobby" as a descriptor of having sex with a professional escort is much like calling death "passing away." I don't like such linguistic pleasantries, never have. (...maybe, because both my mother & father mainly spoke in euphuisms before they passed away.)

"Hobbyist" is a term coined and perpetuated by the participants themselves. Which men and which escorts, I will try to make clear.

But, before I write more, let me disclaim: Sex for money is generally illegal in America. The Internet sites, the providers, and the provider “malls" that I write about in the following pages are fictional and only coincidentally reflect the activities of real people. This is a work of fiction, my fictional story.

"Escort" is an euphuism, too. In my experience, women hired by hobbyist seldom escort them anywhere, except around the bed. In fact, this is one of the subtexts of my journal, since I was, by many of my companions' own accounts, a rare bird who wined and dined the women with whom I had paid to have sex.

For those who judge such commerce by a standard of value gotten for value paid, this will seem like a poor practice, so long as the value gotten is only measured by the minutes spend actively engaged in sex, unless, of course, like me you think that foreplay is part of sex and understand, as I believe, that the best sex involves both mind and body. (Not thought, mind you, that’s an anti-aphrodisiac, but feelings – those are indispensable for good sex.)

Although fairly conventional in my sexual behavior -- only dabbling my toes, mephorically speaking, in some fringe behavior -- I am reporting from the fringes of the hobbyist / escort experience. Women who I hired -- by virtue of my character, behavior, and choices -- all come from a very narrow subset of the universe of sex providers.

The escorts I saw did not fit within the traditional definition of “whore,” although one provider, netMichelle, about whom more will be written later, called herself "a whore," "a hooker." She did this, I think, not because the description was more accurate then "escort," which only in a certain sense it was, but because she loved to experience the reaction of the men or women to whom she responded "I'm a whore." when asked "So, what do you do?"

In the wide range of behavior -- and there is a very wide range – characterizing hobbyist/escort behavior, there are a number of terms which help define where in the spectrum my hobby took me.

A “high volume provider,” just as the name applies, is someone who has sex with as many men as their market and time permits. These women tended to sell their services in short time blocks, minimum of a half-hour, maximum of two hours, working out of a location visited by their clients, whose appointment was booked through an agency or service. At the very far end of this spectrum, there is probably not too much difference between the streetwalker/prostitute and the escort, except that the escort sold her time, not a specific service. Usually, only after money changed hands would there be any conversation or indication of what services might follow; even then escorts, unlike streetwalkers are not likely to be as up front talking about specific acts to follow. Escorts are fairly sophisticated and well conditioned to law enforcement entrapment techniques.

Except for my very first experience I never knowingly had experience with a high volume provider, although one of my early favorites, MissyK, evolved practice – professional words do seem to apply -- to the point where she is a high volume provider within a limited time window. But, generally speaking, the women I see are very selective and very limited in the number of appointments they take in a day or even in a week. At the top end of the food chain, Sasha, saw only one or at most a few people in a day, but given her rates, a minimum of $1,000 per visit, she more than earned her keep.

Conditioned by law enforcement not to talk about sex, the hobbyist/escort business evolved its own language to imply what might happen during the time bought. If you want sex then the operative language is “full service” or “gfe,” short for “girl friend experience.” There’s also the more rarified “pse,” “porn star experience.” I am still not entirely clear what the differences really are, because “girl friends” are very different; some will gladly do everything a porn star will do. I never consciously sought out pse providers, although several, including MissyK and netMichelle would gladly explore all manner of safe sex, the more unusual the better.

netMichelle and I were friends, not simply client/escort. This is something else true of escorts, not of whores. Many of the escorts I knew exposed themselves, not just their sex organs. This was a function of several factors, both involving who they were and who I am.

It might come as no surprise to learn that these “friendships” are very fragile and almost invariably come to a quick end. Such was the case of my friendship with Nikki Colter. My friendship with netMichelle, much to my regret, also went through a rocky period, but since has recovered.

My quarrel with netMichelle was the causality of a menage a trois gone awry: lilyJune, another sex provider -- "provider" is another more apt descriptor than "escort" -- bruised netMichelle's feelings. "She didn't even kiss me, when she fucked me with her dildo," netMichelle tried to explain, when I questioned her seemingly hostile behavior.

Because I defended lilyJune from netMichelle's unprofessional, public attack, netMichelle severed our friendship. This is what she wrote:

I apologize for nothing. If friendships are this tenuous and require
demanded apologies like faked orgasms then this friendship will easily break
in the future. I tell it how I see it. I am climbing this mountain and if
you don't like what I write about then don't click on it.

Yes, escorts, providers, hookers & whores have feelings about sex. They are real women, not caricatures; they are not other than us. They are like you and me, certainly me, in more ways then not. Having subsequently made up with netMichelle, I know, notwithstanding her bravado, netMichelle felt lose and regret concerning the end of our friendship, just as any friend would.

My story, the story I will tell in this blog, is not a "St. Augustine Confession." You will not find here musings or soul searching about good or evil. Hopefully, you will find a frank description of my experiences, and more particularly about the limits and boundaries of such relationships, as I experienced them. The fact that I (and netMichelle) use a word like "friendship" to talk about our relationship will strike many, civilian and hobbyist alike, as a mistaken and foolish notion. Perhaps so. Perhaps, that is one of my mistakes. But, read my story, before simply jumping to any pre-formed opinion. If there’s one thing I learned it is that there are no simple truisms that are really true about the women whom I describe.


May 2005  

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